134 | Why That Memory Still Hurts: Letting Go Without Forgetting the Lessons You've Learned

Find the full episode here: LivingOnPurposeInChrist.com/blog

What if the moment you feel small or guarded isn’t a faith failure, but your nervous system asking for healing? In this episode, we open up a tender, practical path for Christians who love Jesus yet feel blocked when they want to pray, speak, or lead. Rather than stuffing emotions or shaming ourselves, we explore how God meets us where memory, body, and spirit intersect—so forgiveness becomes release, and witness flows from peace.

Across the conversation, we unpack emotional charge and why certain tones, comments, or invitations trigger outsized reactions long after the event is over. We revisit the biblical depth of forgiveness through the lens of aphiēmi (ἀφίημι)—letting go, sending away, and loosening what has been bound. We connect this to how the brain stores pain and how memory reconsolidation can help the heart remember without being ruled by intensity. Then we turn to the surprising power of aroma through aromatherapy. Because smell reaches the brain’s emotional center directly, it can surface and soothe old imprints without forcing a retelling. From Joseph and Nicodemus preparing Jesus’ body with myrrh and aloes to incense and anointing throughout Scripture, we trace how God has long used scent to steady weary souls.

We also walk through the Aroma Freedom Technique as a gentle, Holy Spirit-led way to access and release stored emotion while staying regulated and safe. No pushing, no reliving—just a prayerful space where truth replaces fear and the body learns peace. As that charge fades, daily witness changes: your words feel lighter, courage grows quieter but stronger, and people sense a grounded presence that invites trust.

To help you keep that freedom, we share simple rhythms for your devotions—presence over perfection, breath prayers, brief journaling with simple journal prompts, and compassionate boundaries that fit real life and a busy schedule. You’ll leave with biblical encouragement that helps you make it doable today, because small steps add up.

If you’re longing to speak about Jesus with renewed confidence and clarity, or if your quiet time feels heavy despite your best efforts, you’re not alone. Join us to experience a kinder way forward and consider a private coaching hour at PaulaBehrens.com/coaching where we’ll guide the process with care, prayer, and a gentle approach that may include essential oils as supportive tools. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs biblical encouragement, and leave a review to help others find this path to healing.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Hidden Triggers And Faith
• 1:36 Presence Over Perfection
• 2:55 Emotional Charge Defined
• 5:08 Forgiveness As Release
• 6:34 The Greek Word aphiēmi (ἀφίημι)
• 8:07 How The Brain Stores Pain
• 9:20 Aroma Freedom Technique
• 11:31 Scripture, Aroma, And Grief
• 13:38 Emotions, Aroma, and Divine Presence
• 14:36 Peace and Healing as God's Design
• 15:34 Freedom That Strengthens Witness
• 16:53 Gentle Next Steps And Coaching
• 18:29 Closing And Call To Share

Transcript

Paula Behrens: 0:00

Have you ever thought about the fact that there are moments from your past, moments you rarely think about that may still shape how you show up today? Maybe you love Jesus and want to serve him. Maybe you want to speak freely about your faith, but something inside tightens when certain situations arise: a comment, a tone, a memory, and suddenly you feel small, guarded, hesitant, or emotionally overwhelmed, even though you can't quite explain why. Well, friend, you are not alone. Today we are talking about why that happens, what God is gently inviting you into, and how emotional healing is not only possible, but deeply connected to your ability to live and witness freely for Christ. And if you stay with me until the end, I want to share about a private coaching session where we can go deeper and allow God to lovingly address the emotional charge that has been silently attached to your past so you can move forward, lighter, clearer, and more confident in your calling.

Paula Behrens: 1:02

Are you finding it challenging to maintain your spiritual practices or yearning for a more peaceful, God-aligned day? I'm Paula, and I've been there too. Balancing spiritual habits with a busy life can be difficult. I longed for a deeper connection with God but struggled with consistency. Then I found the perfect approach. If you seek simple ways to deepen your connection with God, this podcast is for you. Please take a moment to follow the show, leave a review, and share with your friends who need a little biblical encouragement today.

Paula Behrens: 1:36

Hey friend, I know what it's like to feel far from God, even when you're doing all the right things. You're showing up, you're praying, you're reading your Bible, but inside something feels disconnected. You wonder if you're doing enough, if God is even listening. You feel a little ashamed that your quiet time isn't what it used to be or what you hoped it would be. I want you to know you're not alone and you're not failing. God isn't asking for your perfection. He's just asking for your presence. That's what our coaching call is all about, not pressure, not performance, just learning to lean into God's presence. And as a special touch, you'll receive a free essential oil sampler ahead of time so you can experience how these simple tools can enhance our time together, creating an environment where peace and clarity can flourish. Let me walk with you into a slower spirit-led rhythm that will help you reconnect with the One who's been waiting to refresh your soul all along. Say yes to peace, say yes to presence. Book your Aroma of Christ coaching hour now at PaulaBehrens.com /coaching. That's Paula Behrens B-E-H R E N S .com /coaching (no spaces). All right, it's time to get started. Grab your Bible, dust off your journal, and cozy up to your favorite beverage. And let's dive in.

Paula Behrens: 2:55

Letting go of emotional charge tied to a past memory or event is one of the most overlooked aspects of growth. Many believers have strong theology, faithful church attendance, and genuine love for God, yet they still feel emotionally stuck. They wonder why certain situations continue to trigger anxiety, defensiveness, shame, anger, or grief long after the event itself has passed. This confusion often leads faithful Christians to quietly blame themselves. They wonder if they lack faith, if they have not prayed hard enough, or if something's wrong with them. But the truth is much gentler and far more hopeful than that. What you are experiencing is not a failure of faith. It's a signal from your God-designed nervous system asking for healing, not condemnation. As believers, we are told that Christ has made us free. Scripture tells us that those the Son has set free are free indeed. Yet many of us carry emotional weight that limits our ability to rest in that freedom, to speak boldly about our faith, or to step into the influence God has given us. This is especially true for Christians who sense a quiet calling to reach people for Christ in everyday spaces. When emotional wounds remain unresolved, they tend to surface at the very moments God is inviting us to step forward.

Paula Behrens: 4:21

An emotional charge is the lingering emotional response tied to a memory or experience that has not been fully processed or resolved. You may not consciously think about that event anymore, but your body remembers it, your emotions remember it, and your nervous system responds as if that threat, loss, or pain is still present. That's why you can feel emotionally hijacked by something that seems small or unrelated: a comment from a client, a disagreement with a loved one, a moment of visibility where you're asked to speak, share, or lead. Suddenly your heart races, your chest tightens, and your thoughts spiral, or your confidence disappears. The event itself may have happened years ago, but the emotional charge remains active. Now God never intended for his children to carry emotional burdens indefinitely. He is compassionate toward our wounds, patient with our healing, and deeply invested in our wholeness. Emotional healing is not a side issue. It is central to living on purpose in Christ.

Paula Behrens: 5:28

Many Christians have been taught to focus primarily on behavior and belief without being given tools to address emotional memory. We are taught to forgive, which is essential. We are taught to pray, which is powerful, but forgiveness does not automatically remove emotional charge, and prayer does not always process stored emotional memory on its own. This does not mean that prayer is ineffective. It means God created us as whole beings, mind, body, and spirit. Healing often involves cooperation with the way God designed the brain and the nervous system to work. Unresolved emotional charge can quietly limit your witness. It can make you hesitate to speak openly about your faith. It can cause you to avoid certain conversations, people, or opportunities God places in front of you. It can even affect how safe you feel being seen as a Christian in your workplace or online presence. God's desire is not just that you believe the right things, but that you live free.

Paula Behrens: 6:34

One of the most beautiful words that ties directly into this topic is the Greek word aphiēmi (ἀφίημι), which is translated as forgiveness. When we hear Jesus talking about forgiveness in the Gospels, he frequently uses this word, aphiēmi (ἀφίημι). In these passages, he's not merely speaking of a mental decision or making a spiritual statement. He is describing a freedom or separation from something. He is literally talking about releasing the emotional charge, letting something go and leaving it behind. In other words, biblical forgiveness goes much deeper than what we would normally think. It's not merely a moral decision. It is a compassionate release that looses what has been bound. This reinforces the idea that biblical forgiveness is not only about obedience, but about freedom, not only for the one receiving, but also for the one forgiving. It is a form of restoration. It's an emotional release that is rooted in compassion. This matters because many Christians have mentally forgiven, but they have not experienced release themselves. The memory remains emotionally charged because it has not been fully sent away. The heart still reacts because the nervous system still holds the imprint of the event. Aphiēmi (ἀφίημι) reminds us that Jesus is inviting us not only to forgive as an act of the will, but also to release what has been weighing us down.

Paula Behrens: 8:07

Emotional healing is biblical and it's deeply aligned with the heart of Christ. You know, God designed your brain to protect you. When something painful, frightening, or overwhelming happens, your brain stores not just the details of the event, but the emotional and sensory experience of it. This is part of how we learn to survive. The challenge arises when the memory never gets fully processed. Instead of being filed away as something that happened and is now over, it stays active in the emotional part of the brain. This is why you can logically know that something is in the past yet emotionally feels like it's still happening. This is not weakness, it is biology. Your brain is simply responding to stored information. When something in your present resembles the past event, even slightly, the emotional response is triggered automatically. This happens faster than conscious thought, which is why it feels so confusing and frustrating. God is not asking you to think your way out of something your body learned through experience. He is inviting you to step into his healing.

Paula Behrens: 9:19

One of the ways I help Christians walk through this kind of healing is through a gentle, Holy Spirit-led process known as the aroma freedom technique. This approach works with the way God designed your brain rather than against it. Aroma is directly connected to the emotional center of the brain. Unlike other senses, smell bypasses logical processing and goes straight to the part of the brain that stores memory and emotion. This is why an aroma can instantly bring back a memory you had not thought about in years. When used intentionally, aroma becomes a doorway to healing. It allows us to access stored emotional memory without force, without reliving trauma, and without becoming overwhelmed. As the memory is gently accessed, God brings truth, safety, and release to that place. What's so powerful about this process is it doesn't require you to retell every detail or analyze the past endlessly. Instead, it allows the emotional charge to surface just enough to be released while the body remains regulated and safe.

Paula Behrens: 10:28

This is where neuroscience and scripture beautifully meet. When an emotional memory is accessed in a calm, safe state, the brain has the ability to update it. This is known as memory reconsolidation. In simple terms, it means the brain can refile the memory without the emotional charge attached. The event does not disappear. You still remember what happened, but the emotional intensity no longer controls you. This is why some memories stop hurting over time, while others remain painful. The difference is whether the memory was processed in safety and truth, or not. God designed your brain with the capacity to heal. He created your nervous system to respond to peace. When we invite him into the healing process while engaging the senses that he designed, profound freedom becomes possible. This is not about bypassing faith. It's about partnering with the way God created you.

Paula Behrens: 11:31

Scripture is not silent when it comes to the use of aroma in moments of grief, transition, and deep emotional weight. One of the most moving examples appears in the quiet, heavy hours following the crucifixion. John tells us that Joseph of Arimathea, accompanied by Nicodemus, came to take Jesus' body down from the cross and prepare him for burial. John chapter 19, verse 38 through 42 says that Nicodemus brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about 75 pounds, and together they wrapped Jesus' body with the spices, according to the Jewish burial customs. This was not a hurried task. It was tender, intentional, and deeply personal. These two men had followed Jesus quietly. Now in the raw aftermath of his death, they stepped forward in courage and devotion, carrying grief, reverence, and unresolved hope. The spices themselves matter.

Paula Behrens: 12:35

Myrrh was commonly associated with mourning and burial. It carried a grounding, solemn quality, often used in times of loss. Aloes, frequently linked to sandalwood in the ancient text, were known for their calming and stabilizing properties. Together, these aromas created an environment that allowed space for sorrow while also offering comfort. As Joseph and Nicodemus prepared Jesus' body, the scent would have surrounded them, steadying their hearts as they faced the reality of what had just happened. This moment was not only about honoring Jesus, it was also about helping these men process the emotional weight of the crucifixion. The aroma marked the memory, it anchored the moment, and it allowed grief to be expressed without words. God in his wisdom allowed scent to be part of their goodbye, not to remove the pain, but to help them carry it.

Paula Behrens: 13:39

Throughout Scripture, aroma consistently appears where human emotion meets divine presence. Incense rose in the tabernacle as a physical expression of prayer. Anointing oils were poured out in moments of commissioning, healing, repentance, and comfort. These aromas did not replace faith. They supported the heart in moments when words were insufficient. God, who designed the sense of smell, knew exactly what he was doing. In seasons of grief, transition, worship, and surrender, God allowed aroma to become part of the experience. Using aromas, or what we call essential oils today, making sure they are therapeutic and pure, is not about mysticism or spiritual shortcuts, but it's about partnering with the way God designed the body, the brain, and the senses to support healing. When we understand this, we begin to see that using aroma intentionally as part of emotional healing is not a modern invention. It is consistent with the way God has always met his people in the most vulnerable spaces, offering comfort, grounding, and a path toward peace and healing. What Joseph and Nicodemus did in faith and grief would soon be transformed by the Resurrection, reminding us that God often meets us in our sorrow first, allowing emotions to be tended to before hope fully breaks through. This same God-designed connection between aroma, memory, and emotional care is what allows us today to gently access places in the heart that still carry weight, not to relive the past, but to let God bring release and peace where it has been missing.

Paula Behrens: 15:34

Let's talk about why emotional freedom matters for your witness. When emotional charge is released, something shifts. You begin to show up differently. Your nervous system is no longer scanning for danger in everyday interactions. Your words flow more freely, your confidence becomes quieter but stronger. For Christians who work from home, lead online communities, or sense a call to reach others in everyday spaces, this kind of freedom is essential. People can sense when you are grounded. They can sense when your words come from peace rather than pressure. Emotional freedom creates space for the Holy Spirit to move through you naturally. You are no longer guarded. You are no longer holding back without knowing why. You become present, compassionate, and available. This is how God often reaches others through us, not through perfect words, but through healed hearts. If a memory continues to surface emotionally, it's not because you've failed, it's because God is inviting you deeper. He's extending his hand, he's offering healing. Now Jesus never rushed healing. He never shamed people for their wounds, and he always created safety before transformation.

Paula Behrens: 16:53

If you sense d God stirring something in you as you listened today, that is not accidental. He may be inviting you into a space of healing that will unlock greater freedom, joy, and boldness in your life. If you're ready to go deeper and allow God to gently address the emotional charge connected to a past memory or event, I would be honored to walk with you. In a private coaching session, we will create a safe, prayerful space where the aroma freedom technique will be guided with care, wisdom, and Holy Spirit discernment. We will not rush, we will not force, we will listen, we will partner with God, and we will allow Him to bring release in a way that feels safe and honoring to your story. After the Aroma Freedom session, we'll also take a little bit of time to talk through simple life-giving ways to create a rhythm that fits you, your season, and your responsibilities, so you can consistently connect with God without pressure, guilt, or striving.

Paula Behrens: 17:55

If you felt held back without knowing why, if you long to serve God freely and speak about him with peace and confidence, this may be the next step he's inviting you into. You can book your session with me at PaulaBehrens.com /coaching. That's Paula Behrens B-E-H R E N S .com /coaching (no spaces). I would love to help you walk into greater freedom as you continue to live on purpose in Christ.

Paula Behrens: 18:28

Thank you for tuning in today. And remember, just like setting biblical boundaries, it's okay to say no to things that don't serve you well, like that third piece of cake at the church potluck. If you were blessed by this episode, be sure to share it with a friend and leave a review so that we can reach even more listeners like you. Check the show notes for all the links. Join us next week as we continue to discover how to live on purpose in Christ. Until then, keep leaning into Him and walking in His Wisdom. See you next time.