125 | Navigating Past Wounds: How to Practice Grace in Difficult Relationships (Philemon Bible Study)

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What if the most powerful witness of your faith happens far from a platform, inside the ordinary places where forgiveness costs you something? We open the letter to Philemon and trace a tender, courageous call to receive a brother not by his past but by his union with Christ. From Paul’s house arrest to Onesimus’ transformation, we follow a thread of grace that reframes identity, reorders relationships, and asks us to let theology walk into our living rooms.

We explore koinōnia (κοινωνία) —the Greek word for the shared life of Christ that turns fellowship into partnership and participation. This vision pulls Christianity from theory to practice: absorbing a cost for someone’s good, extending welcome when resentment would be easier, and honoring safety and wisdom when reconciliation requires boundaries. Along the way, a lighthearted story about a goat in church reminds us that life is unpredictable, but God’s patient work in quiet hearts continues, unseen and unstoppable.

You’ll hear why small acts matter: a prayer whispered in a kitchen, a debt released, a door opened to someone returning. We raise the questions Scripture hands us: How do I respond when obedience is costly? How do I hold power with humility? Can I see a brother or sister in Christ beyond their history? If you’re longing for faith that feels real on Monday, this conversation offers clarity, courage, and a path to practice. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs hope today, and leave a review to help others find these stories of quiet transformation. Then check out our Bible Study Circle at EssentialFaithJourney.com

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Chapters

• 0:00 Hidden Faith That Matters
• 0:48 A Goat In The Sanctuary
• 2:00 Feeling Unseen Yet Fully Known
• 2:45 Faith Coaching Invitation
• 4:12 Why Philemon Still Speaks
• 5:33 Onesimus Meets Paul
• 7:01 A Costly Appeal To Love
• 8:14 Wisdom For Safe Reconciliation
• 9:32 Koinōnia (κοινωνία): Shared Life In Christ
• 12:21 Questions That Form The Heart
• 14:18 Private Faith, Public Witness
• 15:03 Kkoinōnia Is Sustained In Community
• 16:10 Closing Thoughts and Next Steps

Transcript

Paula Behrens: 0:00

If you've ever wondered whether your faith is making a real difference, especially if most of your time is spent working from home, caring for others, or quietly serving Christ without much visibility, this episode is for you. Today we're opening one of the smallest books in the Bible, yet one of the most personal and quietly challenging letters ever written. Even if your spiritual life feels hidden, even if no one sees the hours you spend praying, journaling, or serving in your own quiet corner of life, know that God can and does use those faithful acts to shape hearts, restore relationships, and expand his kingdom. Okay, stay with me to the end and I'll tell you about a community where we are striving to live out this kind of purposeful faith together.

Paula Behrens: 0:48

You know, there's nothing quite like preaching in a small rural church to keep you on your toes. Picture this. I was passionately delivering a sermon, feeling on fire with the Holy Spirit when suddenly the sanctuary door swung open, and in sauntered an unexpected guest. A goat. Yes, a live, bleating goat, trotting right down the center aisle as if it owned the place. Now, being a city girl, I was quite proud of myself for instantly recognizing it wasn't just a furry visitor. Nope, I triumphantly proclaimed to the whole congregation, it's a goat. Meanwhile, the poor trustee chair sprang into action, bravely chasing the audacious goat around the pews and eventually escorting it out the front door. It was one of those church moments you just can't make up. A fitting reminder of the unpredictability of life and the importance of staying rooted in faith and where God is leading you, come what may. In life's unpredictable moments, whether it's a goat trotting down the center aisle or the chaos of daily routines pulling at your spirit, it's so easy to feel disconnected from God.

Paula Behrens: 1:59

In a world that often celebrates the loud and visible, it's easy to feel as though your quiet acts of devotion go unnoticed. Yet scripture assures us that God sees every hidden moment of faithfulness and he uses them to weave his redemptive story in ways we may never fully comprehend. If you're navigating past wounds, finding it challenging to practice grace in difficult relationships, or longing to see how God can use your seemingly small steps to create meaningful change, this podcast is for you.

Paula Behrens: 2:34

You want to grow closer to God, yet reality sets in. Your schedule is packed, thoughts are racing, and finding peace in your devotional time seems simply out of reach. This is precisely why I've developed my faith coaching services for Christian women. This one-on-one session is designed to make deepening your relationship with God simple, peaceful, and personal. No pressure, no overwhelm, just a guided, spirit-led approach to help you reset and reconnect with Jesus in a way that truly fits your life. You'll receive an aroma sampler packet ahead of our coaching call to use during our session, introducing you to the gentle power of essential oils to quiet your mind and invite peace into your spiritual practices. This hands-on experience is designed to enhance your time with God by engaging your senses and creating a calming atmosphere for our conversation. And you'll walk away with everything you need to continue your journey, including printable resources and practical guidance on how to continue using biblical aromas to nurture peace and focus in your spiritual practices. You don't need fancy tools or hours of free time. You just need a doable plan and someone to help you make it real. Let's make your devotional life easy, meaningful, and refreshingly Christ-centered. Book your session today at PaulaBehrens.com /coaching. That's Paula Behrens B E H R E N S .com /coaching (no spaces). All right, it's time to get started. Grab your Bible, dust off your journal, and cozy up to your favorite beverage and let's dive in.

Paula Behrens: 4:12

The book of Philemon is often described as a personal letter, and that is true, but it doesn't even begin to capture how practical, challenging, and transformational this little book is. Philemon is only 25 verses long, yet it provides a rich, full picture demonstration of the gospel working in real life relationships. There are no grand miracles recorded here. There are no sermons preached to huge crowds. There are no programs launched, no social campaigns started. Instead, we are invited into a private conversation between believers that show what happens when faith meets real human complexity, when forgiveness is hard, when obedience has a cost, and when love requires humility. Philemon reminds us that Christianity is not just a set of beliefs. It's something we live out daily in our homes, workplaces, and communities. It's something we practice in ordinary spaces, in ordinary moments, often unseen by the world, but deeply visible to God.

Paula Behrens: 5:13

Paul writes his letter while he is imprisoned, likely under house arrest in Rome. Even though his physical freedom is limited, his spiritual influence is far reaching. He continues to disciple, mentor, and encourage believers, demonstrating that faithfulness is not confined to visible success or to freedom. One of the individuals Paul writes about is a man named Onesimus. Onesimus has left the household of Philemon, a respected Christian in Colossae. The text doesn't tell us the exact reasons, but it was a risky move. Onesimus faced uncertainty, potential punishment, and real danger. Yet in that moment of vulnerability, God's providence guided his path, bringing him to Paul.

Paula Behrens: 6:02

Imagine for a moment what this encounter might have looked like. Onesimus, anxious and uncertain, perhaps carrying the weight of past mistakes and fear of consequences, meets Paul. Through conversation, prayer, and the gentle work of the Holy Onesimus experiences a transformation of heart. He's no longer defined by what he left behind or the mistakes he made. He's now someone renewed by grace, someone whose life has a new direction and purpose. This is an essential point. Onesimus is portrayed as a person with agency and worth. Scripture doesn't define him by past errors or social position. He is a child of God, fully capable of change and growth and fully embraced by Christ.

Paula Behrens: 6:51

Here, the tension of the letter begins to unfold. Onesimus' relationship with Philemon is complicated. Paul could have encouraged Onesimus to stay with him, which may have seemed easier or safer, but Paul chooses a path of faith and obedience instead, trusting God to work through a delicate situation. He sends Onesimus back to Philemon, appealing to love and shared faith rather than authority or obligation. Paul reframes the story of Onesimus through the lens of redemption while reminding Philemon of his identity in Christ, affirming his faith, his love for others, and his influence as a believer. This is discipleship at its core. Living on purpose in Christ always begins with remembering who we are in Christ. Paul's appeal is radical. He asked Philemon to receive Onesimus, not as someone defined by the past, but as a beloved brother in Christ. In the culture of Paul's time, this request was revolutionary. It challenged societal expectations and redefined relationships around the gospel rather than social hierarchy or past mistakes.

Paula Behrens: 8:12

Now it's critical to highlight that reconciliation in Scripture is always context sensitive. Not every broken relationship should be repaired immediately, especially if personal safety, abuse, or unbelief is involved. Paul's appeal works because it is grounded in shared faith and mutual trust. For us today, this is an important lesson. Christ-like reconciliation is beautiful, but it must be exercised wisely, safely, and with discernment. The Book of Philemon shows that the gospel is practical, not just theoretical. It presses into real life circumstances where forgiveness feels risky, obedience requires sacrifice, and love demands courage. For believers today, especially those whose faith is expressed quietly or behind the scenes, this is profoundly encouraging. Your choices, your acts of grace, even when unseen, have impact. Paul models this through extraordinary generosity. He offers to take responsibility for any financial harm or loss that Onesimus' departure may have caused. This is a powerful reflection of what Christ did on the cross on our behalf so that restoration can occur.

Paula Behrens: 9:29

As Paul writes to Philemon, he's inviting him to live the gospel in relational, practical ways. You know, a theology is never meant to stay on paper, it shapes relationships. How we treat others, especially those who share our faith, flows directly from our understanding of Christ. What Philemon believes about Christ must now shape how he treats Onesimus. Paul's prayer in chapter 1, verse 6 brings this into sharp focus. He says he's praying that the sharing of Philemon's faith will become effective. Now that word sharing is where Paul reveals the heart of this letter. The Greek word is koinōnia (κοινωνία). Koinōnia (κοινωνία) is often translated as fellowship, but Paul is using it in a much deeper theological sense here. Koinōnia (κοινωνία) means participation, partnership, and shared life. It describes what happens when people are in Christ and therefore connected to one another. This is not a shallow connection. This is not friendliness or politeness. This is the reality that believers now participate in the very life of Christ together.

Paula Behrens: 10:41

Theologically, koinōnia (κοινωνία) flows out of our union with Christ. When we are in Christ, we do not simply agree with his teachings, we share in his life, his righteousness, and his mission. That shared life then reshapes how we relate to one another. Paul is reminding Philemon that Onesimus is no longer just someone who wronged him. Onesimus is now someone who shares the same faith in Christ, the same grace and the same spiritual inheritance. This is why Paul connects koinōnia (κοινωνία) with spiritual effectiveness. He's saying that faith becomes active and visible when the shared life of Christ is lived out in real situations. In other words, the gospel is not proven by words alone. It is proven when believers treat one another according to who they are in Christ, not according to who they used to be.

Paula Behrens: 11:41

In the context of this letter, koinōnia (κοινωνία) becomes deeply challenging. Paul is not talking about public ministry or visible influence. He's talking about faith lived out in private spaces. He's talking about how shared life in Christ shows up in living rooms, relationships, conversations, and choices that no one else may see. Philemon's home church would be watching. His response would teach them what the gospel really does. And Paul is trusting that koinōnia (κοινωνία), this shared life in Christ, will shape Philemon's obedience. This is where I want to gently pause with you for a moment because koinōnia (κοινωνία) asks each of us a deeply personal question. How does your shared life in Christ shape your relationships? Are there believers in your life whom you still see through the lens of past mistakes? In those situations, would reconciliation be the Christ-like thing to do?

Paula Behrens: 12:39

Living on purpose in Christ is often quiet. It might look like extending grace, offering encouragement, or allowing Christ to redefine how you see someone. And your faithful choices matter. They reveal the power of shared life in Christ. Your obedience matters. Your relationships matter. The way you live out grace in ordinary spaces makes the gospel visible. Koinōnia (κοινωνία) means you are never just living your faith for yourself. You are participating in the shared life of Christ. And that shared life has the power to heal, restore, and transform. Your faith is shared not only through words, but through forgiveness, through hospitality, through humility, through choosing grace when it would be easier to hold a grudge. Philemon challenges us to consider how our faith is experienced by others. Is it something they hear about or something they feel? Is it only based on theory or is it relational? Is it confined to church gatherings or lived out in our homes and workplaces?

Paula Behrens: 13:50

Paul believes that Christ is actively transforming Philemon's heart. He believes the gospel is not static. It grows, matures, and reshapes us over time. Paul's letter teaches us that Christ actively transforms hearts. He teaches us that the gospel is not static, that it grows, matures, and reshapes us over time. Okay, so the letter ends without revealing Philemon's response, and that silence is intentional. Scripture leaves space for us to step into the story. We are invited to ask ourselves the same questions Philemon faced. How do I respond when obedience costs me something? How do I treat people who have hurt me but now belong to Christ? How does my faith shape the way I use influence, power, and privilege? Philemon teaches us that living on purpose in Christ often looks ordinary. It looks like opening your home. It looks like welcoming someone back. It looks like releasing a debt. It looks like choosing reconciliation over resentment. When we choose to live out koinōnia (κοινωνία), that shared life in Christ, we allow our theology, our thoughts about God, to shape our everyday decisions. We allow grace to move from belief into practice.

Paula Behrens: 15:08

And that kind of faith is best learned, strengthened, and sustained in community, not in isolation. That's why we do not just study scripture alone. We study it together. We listen to one another's stories. We wrestle honestly with what obedience looks like in real life. We encourage one another when forgiveness feels hard and faith feels costly. This is how the shared life of Christ grows deeper and more visible among us.

Paula Behrens: 15:39

If this episode stirred something in your heart, if you are longing to live out your faith more intentionally right where you are, I invite you to come and hang out with us in our Bible study circle at EssentialFaithJourney.com. That's Essential Faith Journey.com (no spaces). This is a welcoming, grace-filled space where we open God's Word together, talk honestly about life, and learn how to live on purpose in Christ in the middle of our ordinary days. You don't need to be a Bible expert. You don't need to have perfect answers. You simply need a desire to grow and a willingness to walk alongside other believers who are learning to live out their faith one step at a time, just like you. I would love for you to join us, be encouraged, and experience the beauty of koinōnia (κοινωνία), that shared life in Christ, as we grow together.

Paula Behrens: 16:36

Thank you for tuning in today. And remember, just like setting biblical boundaries, it's okay to say no to things that don't serve you well, like that third piece of cake at the church potluck. If you were blessed by this episode, be sure to share it with a friend and leave a review so that we can reach even more listeners like you. Check the show notes for all the links. Join us next week as we continue to discover how to live on purpose in Christ. Until then, keep leaning in to Him and walking in His wisdom. See you next time.